"Where in the bible does it say I can't deep fry a snickers bar? Huh? Come on Padre, show me!" - Scott Smith

"...something about flanges. I dunno either." - Scott Smith

"It makes me feel better. Not a 'Oh, I'm healthy' kind of better per se, more of a 'I'm only gonna punch that old Asian lady in the face once' kind of better." - Scott Smith

"If a malt and a milkshake were the same thing, a malt wouldn't cost a quarter more. Pfft, fuckin' jerkoff." - Scott Smith

"Nobody's the boss of me! Well, nobody except my boss." - Scott Smith

"Raoul, let's eat that!" - Scott Smith

"First come casual Fridays then, topless Wednesdays." - Scott Smith

"No, we never dated. My cock was seeing her vagina for a while though." - Scott Smith

"Too early to wake up. Too late to stop the Sun from existing." - Scott Smith

"Eat it dude. It's got bananas!" - Scott Smith

"That's more of a Sunday go-to-meeting type of drunk." - Scott Smith

"Well, if I'm not handsome, that would make my mother a liar." - Scott Smith

"It's not as easy as you think it looks." - Scott Smith