"Coming soon to a strip mall near you; Baco'n Whores! All of your cured meats and loose women in one convenient stop! Free Kielbasa with every hand job! Kids eat free! Fun for the whole family! " - Scott Smith

"You should try to put your "P" in as many "V"s as possible while it can still stand up on its own." - Scott Smith

"It's never too early for a cocktail." - Scott Smith

"No can do. My flow is so heavy, I'm using a Sham-Wow for a maxi-pad." - Scott Smith

"Herding cats is great exercise until you get them all in a corner." - Scott Smith