"So, does the nominee get to ride an elephant?" -Scott Smith

"Santorum is great for getting a Newt out of your Mitt." -Scott Smith

"Beware my Veto Torpedo!" -Scott Smith

"I go through enough brooms trying to keep Sharia law from creeping in to my kitchen and you want to elect a Kardashian president." -Scott Smith

"They should just start calling Math, 'Meth' instead. That way, the kids will start staying up all night doing it and we'll finally be able to compete with the Asians." -Scott Smith

"Happy Mammorial day! It's high time boobs got the respect they deserve.., Wha? 'Memorial' you say? Hmmm.., Well, boobs should still get a day of their own. They are awesome." -Scott Smith

"If a religious nut gets elected president; I hope their religion is Voodoo. I mean, who's going to fuck with a country powered by Voodoo." -Scott Smith

"Maybe Rosey Grier didn't kill RFK. Ray Milland could have had control of the body that day." -Scott Smith

"William and Kate; another royal wedding that won't end with a king. Well, at least not until William gets hair-plugs I hope. 'His royal baldness' does have a nice ring to it though." -Scott Smith

"Well then, maybe waffles should just stay out of politics." -Scott Smith

"If they had an Oscar for 'Minimalistest comic on the web', I'd totally be nominated. Too bad the Academy Awards are old fashioned." -Scott Smith

"Have you ever wrecked your hoverboard in to a hovercar and thought, 'I sure am glad the US has a single payer health care system.' You haven't? Remember to thank a Republicans for that." - Scott Smith

"The clowns are running the circus and, the monkeys have found their makeup." - Scott Smith

"I dunno what the Teapot Dome scandal was all about; I just know that it sounds like one of the classier scandals." - Scott Smith

"I think this blog could use a Republican response." - Scott Smith