"If worthless cunts were candy and nuts; my life would be a lot less complicated." -Scott Smith

"One time, I went to kick this guy in the shin, he moved and I accidentally kicked a midget in the face. I laughed and I laughed, the midget just rolled his eyes and bled 'til he fell over. Sometimes, I lay back and wonder if anyone actually called the ambulance. Good times, good times..." -Scott Smith

"Germans are so efficient they start October in the last week of September." -Scott Smith

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Mosy Bites

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"Quotable" Qulassic

""The clap doesn't sound anything like you think it should. If you are hearing any strange noises from you crotch; Play it safe, go see a doctor." - Scott Smith "

"The good thing about birthdays is that; You can show up to work as drunk as you want and, the worse thing your boss can do is fire you." -Scott Smith

"Never forget: September 11 is only 2 days before my birthday." -Scott Smith

"Not for all the clowns in Clowntown." -Scott Smith

"It takes a lot of bibles to start a bonfire." -Scott Smith