"Boredom is the most boring thing to die from." - Scott Smith

"I dunno what the Teapot Dome scandal was all about; I just know that it sounds like one of the classier scandals." - Scott Smith

"You wanna make something of it? Go ahead, I hope it's a cake." - Scott Smith

"Shallow? Me? No way man! I'm way deep, deeper than your mom's vaj. Yeah, that is super deep, so there." - Scott Smith

"If you're gonna fall overboard, you might as well do it while the ship is docked." - Scott Smith

"Salt. That's always the answer. Just add salt to begin with and save yourself some time." - Scott Smith

"It's not the same mistake.., This one's a redhead." - Scott Smith

"Religion is just like heroin. It's a huge waste of time, money and your life but, it sure makes you feel good.., Well, that's what I've heard anyway. I've never actually used religion." - Scott Smith

"Getting sick is nature's way of reminding you that; You ain't shit." - Scott Smith

"Hugs are alright, I'd still rather have the drugs though." - Scott Smith

"When in doubt, check the jail." - Scott Smith

"Looks like Betty White gets the Nazi gold." - Scott Smith