"I thought these films were supposed to be about a sundance." -Scott Smith

"Well, if she could keep my dick out of her mouth it would be a lot easier." -Scott Smith

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"If you believe the Bible, you'll believe anything." -Scott Smith

"Church would be more popular if they weren't so stingy with the wine and crackers." -Scott Smith

"Spaghetti is just Italian nachos." -Scott Smith

"You can't back up if you don't have reverse." -Scott Smith

"Nachos are just Mexican spaghetti." -Scott Smith

"If you make a monkey cook your dinner, you're gonna have a grease fire." -Scott Smith

"Let's see you go through a Shark Week without your baby seal skin hat." -Scott Smith

"I go through enough brooms trying to keep Sharia law from creeping in to my kitchen and you want to elect a Kardashian president." -Scott Smith

New Year's resolution

"Naw, don't worry about it. A million ain't as many as you think." -Scott Smith

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"I wouldn't say that I'm 'unsuccessful' so much as I'm not very successful." -Scott Smith

"If I needed your validation, I would park somewhere else." -Scott Smith

"Boots don't knock. Are you sure that they weren't some kind of clog?" -Scott Smith

"'Fucking the bitches' is an interest you probably shouldn't list on job applications." -Scott Smith

"I have a dark past and a bright future, my present is kinda overcast." -Scott Smith

"Meh, I'd be a lot more worried if her nipples tasted like pepperoni." -Scott Smith

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"Don't punch her in the cunt, that might be her kink." -Scott Smith

"Mono is just nature's way of telling you to, 'take it easy.'" -Scott Smith

"Reading books by their covers can save a ton of time." -Scott Smith

"Being bored is boring." -Scott Smith

"That time you did that thing... Yeah, you're a fucking idiot." -Scott Smith

hippobingo.com

Hippo Bingo is the hot new online Bingo site. The offer 75 and 90 ball rooms and, they have awesome chat hosts and a great online community. Free games, Huge Jackpots, A great selection of instant win and video side games like Bejeweled and Monopoly.
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"Shameful self-promotion isn't as effective as the shameless kind." -Scott Smith

"When you're at your next woman's club meeting, tell the ladies that if they want guys to be pickier about the women we sleep with, hot women need to start losing their panties easier." -Scott Smith

"If you're tired of being called a 'quitter', just stop participating in things." -Scott Smith

"Women are like buses; If you don't pay attention, they'll run right over you." -Scott Smith

"If you didn't ask, that doesn't mean you can afford it." -Scott Smith

"I don't have a high opinion about myself, I just have a very low opinion about everybody else." -Scott Smith

"I like my women how I like my chairs.., easy." -Scott Smith

"I made up a new word, 'Xoox'. It's pronounced just like it's spelled and means exactly what you think it does.., pervert." -Scott Smith

"Don't eat peppers if you can't handle pooping them out." -Scott Smith

"Making out in black&white is so much cooler than in color." -Scott Smith

"Falling in love is great until you hit the ground." -Scott Smith

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"Don't use margarine when you have butter." -Scott Smith

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"Don't lick a gift porn with your mouth." -Scott Smith

"Remember when you could call dames 'broads' and there was nothin' the bitches could do about it? Those were the days." -Scott Smith

"I bet bakers fuck up every recipe that calls for 12 of anything." -Scott Smith

"The lime won't fit in the coconut. Maybe I should juice it first." -Scott Smith

"It's not a waste of money when you're giving it to me." -Scott Smith

"Tonight's forecast calls for you fucking off, with a 30% of eating shit." -Scott Smith

"Turns out that werewolf I saw last night was just your mom with her shirt off." -Scott Smith

"Vampires? More like Whaaa-mpires!" -Scott Smith

"Well, what if I eat the zombies' brains first? Then they won't have a chance to eat mine. Didn't think of that now, did you?" -Scott Smith

"No, no, no, no.., We need you to tear some sheets in to strips AND boil some water. Don't put the sheet strips in the boiling water, that's just ridiculous. Ain't you never birthed no baby?" -Scott Smith

"The tacos are great.., if you like horse meat." -Scott Smith

"Just because you can; doesn't mean you should stick your dick in it. You should stick it in there because you like it." -Scott Smith

"My P, your V. Lose the pants."- Scott Smith

"Rome wasn't built in a day but, I'm pretty sure most of the building went on during the day. So, fuck you." -Scott Smith

"Pooping behind the dumpster is fun until you get shit on your shoe." -Scott Smith

"He's been a 'get out of here' since we got here." -Scott Smith

"I like to keep it somewhere between poignant and pointless." -Scott Smith

"Blow jobs are like roses for men." -Scott Smith

"If worthless cunts were candy and nuts; my life would be a lot less complicated." -Scott Smith

"One time, I went to kick this guy in the shin, he moved and I accidentally kicked a midget in the face. I laughed and I laughed, the midget just rolled his eyes and bled 'til he fell over. Sometimes, I lay back and wonder if anyone actually called the ambulance. Good times, good times..." -Scott Smith

"Germans are so efficient they start October in the last week of September." -Scott Smith

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Mosy Bites

I found a great new site full of great stories and news; Mosy Bites. There are all kinds of of inspirational and offbeat anecdotes mixed with a little political commentary here and there. Mosy Bites is a great place to start off or finish up your day, or just pop in when you need a smile. I'll see you there.

"Quotable" Qulassic

""The clap doesn't sound anything like you think it should. If you are hearing any strange noises from you crotch; Play it safe, go see a doctor." - Scott Smith "

"The good thing about birthdays is that; You can show up to work as drunk as you want and, the worse thing your boss can do is fire you." -Scott Smith

"Never forget: September 11 is only 2 days before my birthday." -Scott Smith

"Not for all the clowns in Clowntown." -Scott Smith

"It takes a lot of bibles to start a bonfire." -Scott Smith

"A quick kick to the dick can change any man's behavior." -Scott Smith

"Steve Jobs is still CEO of my heart." -Scott Smith

"Remember kids: The street drugs are the neat drugs. It's the pills that kill." -Scott Smith

"I went to a pet store, they were out of peeves." -Scott Smith

"*Don't eat the red ones. Unless it's OK to eat the red ones. In that case, knock yourself out. Unless you ate the red ones, those might be what knocks you out." -Scott Smith

"I'm not made of peanut butter!" -Scott Smith

"Friday, is like the weekend's Monday." -Scott Smith

"The best way to get your nose broke is to shove it in somebody else's business." -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic

""I tried to tell you but NO. You just had to go and stick your dick in that bear trap. Well, enjoy the clap, jackass." - Scott Smith"

"Raise 'em however you want; this box of grapes is still stale as fuck." -Scott Smith

"It's hard to keep your brow high when your mind is in the gutter." -Scott Smith

"Well, it would be cooler if you were naked." -Scott Smith

"Sometimes I need a nap right after I wake up." -Scott Smith

"Hangovers are natures way of telling you to go back to bed." -Scott Smith

"Well, if you deep fried the baby, of course I would eat it." -Scott Smith

"They should just start calling Math, 'Meth' instead. That way, the kids will start staying up all night doing it and we'll finally be able to compete with the Asians." -Scott Smith

"If there really is a time and a place for everything, I bet it's really crowded there." -Scott Smith

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It's always halloween...

Halloween is just around the corner but why wait until then to dress up. Everyday can be Halloween if you have enough costumes. Silly Jokes has everything you need to be whoever you want. They have costumes for all occasions too, Easter, Christmas, New Years, Valentines and more... Don't wait until it's too late. If you need wigs, hats, make-up or even full costumes, Silly Jokes has got you covered.

"The deeper you dig, the bigger the hole gets." -Scott Smith

"Somebody needs to invent a dust greyhound, to chase all of the dust bunnies out from under my couch." -Scott Smith

"I wouldn't do it, even if you gave me all crazy people in Florida!" -Scott Smith

"Don't think of it as being fired. Think of it as being hired on for a new job at Unemployment Inc. The pay is shitty and there's no benefits but, there sure is a lot of downtime and boredom. Oh, and you get to pick your own hours. It don't get much better than that, except when it gets better than that." -Scott Smith

"Who's a person have to fuck to get a danish in this place? I hope she's Danish, them bitches is hot!" -Scott Smith

"Well, I'm pretty popular in Poland!" -Scott Smith

"You can say any crazy thing you want and, if you say it loud and often enough, people will believe you. That's why we have religion; because people are idiots." -Scott Smith

"The opposite of a brain freeze is hemorrhoids." -Scott Smith

"Like you weren't just wasting your time anyway." -Scott Smith

"A chicken in every pot and a monkey-butler in every closet.., Wave of the future." -Scott Smith

"Nothing says 'success' like dying in the same neighborhood you were conceived in." -Scott Smith

"Polynesian, a race? Not likely. I mean, they live on little islands, there's nowhere to run to." -Scott Smith

"Fun on a bun doesn't taste as good as turkey or ham." -Scott Smith