"What part of 'conceptual' do you unimaginative people not understand?" - Scott Smith

"New fuck beer, too getting bored, drunk still more drinking." - Scott Smith

"Whattaya mean I can't urinate here? I'm doin' it ain't I? You think that badge makes you Captain of the Pee Patrol or something? At least let me zip up before you put me in your squad car." - Scott Smith

"Kill the plaid." - Scott Smith

"If you don't put your tongue on it, you'll never know if the power is on." - Scott Smith

"It's an Asian market. If they have a dried one, they'll have a baby dried one." - Scott Smith

"No, I did not pee in the hamper, somebody put the dirty clothes in the toilet." - Scott Smith

"Don't give a shit!" - Scott Smith

"Nothin' chases the blues away like nailin' a waitress." - Scott Smith

"Bootsy Twitters?" - Scott Smith

"100. That's like a half of a carton of cigarettes worth of quotes. What's a carton of smokes go for now a days? $50.00? We'll call it $50.00. So, you own me $25.00. Please pay up soon, I have bills to pay." - Scott Smith

"That's not how you carry a canoe dumbass. You've got it confused with a kayak." - Scott Smith

"We're gonna need a bigger beer." - Scott Smith

"Maybe you should update your face more often." - Scott Smith

"Coming soon to a strip mall near you; Baco'n Whores! All of your cured meats and loose women in one convenient stop! Free Kielbasa with every hand job! Kids eat free! Fun for the whole family! " - Scott Smith

"You should try to put your "P" in as many "V"s as possible while it can still stand up on its own." - Scott Smith

"It's never too early for a cocktail." - Scott Smith

"No can do. My flow is so heavy, I'm using a Sham-Wow for a maxi-pad." - Scott Smith

"Herding cats is great exercise until you get them all in a corner." - Scott Smith

"Once, on a cold and stormy day much like today, the rain raped my father. I've hated it ever since." - Scott Smith