"Why would anybody want to do that all day?" - Scott Smith

"Your lack of talent and intelligence is made up for by your lack of inhibitions. Now, show me them titties!" - Scott Smith

"It's too early in the morning to make broad generalizations." - Scott Smith

"Shut up and eat it dude. Just because it looks like that doesn't mean it's not delicious. Take your mother's crotch for instance." - Scott Smith

"Well, that's entirely too much to pay for a Laffy Taffy that only has one joke on it. Let me talk to the manager." - Scott Smith

"No, I will not do whatever it is you said I should do. You're not my life coach!" - Scott Smith

"The burnt ones are kind of bitter. Not the good kind of bitter either. " - Scott Smith

"Not for all the beans in Mexico!" - Scott Smith

"I forgot what I was going to say so, you're stuck with this piece of crap." - Scott Smith

"Maybe he knocked her up, I don't know what's going on anymore." - Scott Smith

"Just putting an exclamation point on it doesn't make it new." - Scott Smith

"Drugs are like hugs that get you high." - Scott Smith

"Once I saw this guy. He was like on drugs or something. True Story" - Scott Smith

"When looking back on your life, don't ask yourself, "Was it all a waste?", because it was." - Scott Smith

"You don't need friends when you have enemies." - Scott Smith

"Two Wongs don't make a wight." - Scott Smith