"Gentlemen's clubs are dollar stores for titties." -Scott Smith

"Take away the fire and; camping is just pretending to be homeless." -Scott Smith

"I have an idea for a business leasing puppies to single guys to help them get chicks. I'm going to have to do something with the pupppies once they grow up in to dogs though. So, if anybody knows where there's a building for lease next to a Vietnamese restaurant, hit me up." -Scott Smith

"Too much 'Bim', not enough 'Bo'. If ya know what I mean..." -Scott Smith

"Coffee is like coffee for the soul." -Scott Smith

"Did it sound like he had pee in his ear?" -Scott Smith

"Keep your gravy off of my breakfast!" -Scott Smith

"You don't have to move an inch to go too far." -Scott Smith

"Where are all the robots?" -Scott Smith

"Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! And all you non-mothers; Call me and we can practice making you one." -Sccott Smith

"That gives me a tingle in my dingle." -Scott Smith

"He dances like an Englishman." -Scott Smith

"You should only slap a woman when they're hysterical." -Scott Smith

"Why won't my pickle seeds grow?" -Scott Smith

"Short people need to grow the fuck up." -Scott Smith

"The thing about mental illness is that, it's all in your head." -Scott Smith

"I'm raising awareness of the need for people to stop raising awareness." -Scott Smith

"Exotic dancers? Sounds exotic." -Scott Smith

"So, does the nominee get to ride an elephant?" -Scott Smith

"What happens in Atlanta, stays in your pantsa." -Scott Smith