"I like my women how I like my chairs.., easy." -Scott Smith

"I made up a new word, 'Xoox'. It's pronounced just like it's spelled and means exactly what you think it does.., pervert." -Scott Smith

"Don't eat peppers if you can't handle pooping them out." -Scott Smith

"Making out in black&white is so much cooler than in color." -Scott Smith

"Falling in love is great until you hit the ground." -Scott Smith

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"Don't use margarine when you have butter." -Scott Smith

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"Don't lick a gift porn with your mouth." -Scott Smith

"Remember when you could call dames 'broads' and there was nothin' the bitches could do about it? Those were the days." -Scott Smith

"I bet bakers fuck up every recipe that calls for 12 of anything." -Scott Smith

"The lime won't fit in the coconut. Maybe I should juice it first." -Scott Smith

"It's not a waste of money when you're giving it to me." -Scott Smith

"Tonight's forecast calls for you fucking off, with a 30% of eating shit." -Scott Smith