Friday, May 29, 2009

"Fuck your mother Asshole!" - Scott Smith
"The 70's were a very sticky decade." - Scott Smith

Thursday, May 28, 2009

"Beep, beep. I needs me sleep!" - Scott Smith
"Fuck the Cowboys. Where have all the Gauchos gone?" - Scott Smith

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"If we stop using stem cells, where are all of the leaves gonna grow?" - Scott Smith

Monday, May 25, 2009

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd have shot myself in the face by now." - Scott Smith

Sunday, May 24, 2009

"Baby Jesus is back. Quick, call Gold's Gym!" - Scott Smith

Saturday, May 23, 2009

"Why do they call it a punchline anyways? Did comedians used to punch people or something? A comedian punching people, I think Dane Cook just got a new tour idea." - Scott Smith
"That's weird. I could have sworn that the floor in you apartment was covered in molten lava. Huh. Sorry about the coffee table." - Scott Smith

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"It's called a semi-colon. It gives your sentences the ability to semi-poop." - Scott Smith
"Hey Flip-Flap, make with the fucking pancakes already. Jesus man, this is brunch, not brinner!" - Scott Smith

Sunday, May 17, 2009

"Sandwiches are an easy thing to make on days when your cooking arm is tired from punching neighbor kids all day." - Scott Smith

Friday, May 15, 2009

"English is such a bullshit language." - Scott Smith

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

"Why in the fuck is waffling wrong? I love waffles. If you're against waffles, I'm voting you out." - Scott Smith
"An arctic bearded seal? I need to clean my toilet more often." - Scott Smith

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"You can't strap a monkey to a chicken and say it's the county fair. That would be pretty cool though." - Scott Smith

Monday, May 11, 2009

"Tampons? Oh, you must mean 'cunt corks'. They're on aisle three. " - Scott Smith

Saturday, May 09, 2009

"Since when has not wanting to be dissected been illegal? Yesterday, really? Just passed congress you say. Well, in that case, you're gonna have to haul me in." - Scott Smith
"Look, I already told you, she wasn't a hooker, she was a prostitute. Now, take these handcuffs off of me and, give me back my sock full of Cream of Wheat." - Scott Smith

Friday, May 08, 2009

"That's just like drinkin' breast milk. Warm and smooth, with a little squirt of puss to start it off." - Scott Smith

Thursday, May 07, 2009

"Encino Man! How can you not remember Encino Man? It had The Weasel." - Scott Smith

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

"If you're going to pee into the wind, wear water-proof clothing." - Scott Smith
"We can burn that bridge when we get to it." - Scott Smith
"I tried to install Adobe Acrobat but, I couldn't find enough straw." - Scott Smith

Saturday, May 02, 2009

"I tried to tell you but NO. You just had to go and stick your dick in that bear trap. Well, enjoy the clap, jackass." - Scott Smith

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