Saturday, December 31, 2011

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Friday, December 23, 2011

"I wouldn't say that I'm 'unsuccessful' so much as I'm not very successful." -Scott Smith

Thursday, December 22, 2011

"If I needed your validation, I would park somewhere else." -Scott Smith
"Boots don't knock. Are you sure that they weren't some kind of clog?" -Scott Smith
"'Fucking the bitches' is an interest you probably shouldn't list on job applications." -Scott Smith

Saturday, December 17, 2011

"I have a dark past and a bright future, my present is kinda overcast." -Scott Smith

Friday, December 16, 2011

"Meh, I'd be a lot more worried if her nipples tasted like pepperoni." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

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Sunday, December 11, 2011

"Don't punch her in the cunt, that might be her kink." -Scott Smith
"Mono is just nature's way of telling you to, 'take it easy.'" -Scott Smith
"Reading books by their covers can save a ton of time." -Scott Smith
"Being bored is boring." -Scott Smith

Saturday, December 10, 2011

"That time you did that thing... Yeah, you're a fucking idiot." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

hippobingo.com

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Tuesday, December 06, 2011

"Shameful self-promotion isn't as effective as the shameless kind." -Scott Smith

Sunday, December 04, 2011

"When you're at your next woman's club meeting, tell the ladies that if they want guys to be pickier about the women we sleep with, hot women need to start losing their panties easier." -Scott Smith
"If you're tired of being called a 'quitter', just stop participating in things." -Scott Smith
"Women are like buses; If you don't pay attention, they'll run right over you." -Scott Smith

Saturday, December 03, 2011

"If you didn't ask, that doesn't mean you can afford it." -Scott Smith

Thursday, December 01, 2011

"I don't have a high opinion about myself, I just have a very low opinion about everybody else." -Scott Smith

Sunday, November 27, 2011

"I like my women how I like my chairs.., easy." -Scott Smith

Thursday, November 24, 2011

"I made up a new word, 'Xoox'. It's pronounced just like it's spelled and means exactly what you think it does.., pervert." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

"Don't eat peppers if you can't handle pooping them out." -Scott Smith
"Making out in black&white is so much cooler than in color." -Scott Smith

Sunday, November 20, 2011

"Falling in love is great until you hit the ground." -Scott Smith

Saturday, November 19, 2011

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Sunday, November 13, 2011

"Don't use margarine when you have butter." -Scott Smith

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Get your glow on!

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Thursday, November 10, 2011

"Don't lick a gift porn with your mouth." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

"Remember when you could call dames 'broads' and there was nothin' the bitches could do about it? Those were the days." -Scott Smith

Monday, November 07, 2011

"I bet bakers fuck up every recipe that calls for 12 of anything." -Scott Smith

Sunday, November 06, 2011

"The lime won't fit in the coconut. Maybe I should juice it first." -Scott Smith

Thursday, November 03, 2011

"It's not a waste of money when you're giving it to me." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

"Tonight's forecast calls for you fucking off, with a 30% of eating shit." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

"Turns out that werewolf I saw last night was just your mom with her shirt off." -Scott Smith

Monday, October 24, 2011

"Vampires? More like Whaaa-mpires!" -Scott Smith
"Well, what if I eat the zombies' brains first? Then they won't have a chance to eat mine. Didn't think of that now, did you?" -Scott Smith

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

"No, no, no, no.., We need you to tear some sheets in to strips AND boil some water. Don't put the sheet strips in the boiling water, that's just ridiculous. Ain't you never birthed no baby?" -Scott Smith

Saturday, October 15, 2011

"The tacos are great.., if you like horse meat." -Scott Smith
"Just because you can; doesn't mean you should stick your dick in it. You should stick it in there because you like it." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

"My P, your V. Lose the pants."- Scott Smith

Saturday, October 08, 2011

"Rome wasn't built in a day but, I'm pretty sure most of the building went on during the day. So, fuck you." -Scott Smith

Friday, October 07, 2011

"Pooping behind the dumpster is fun until you get shit on your shoe." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

"He's been a 'get out of here' since we got here." -Scott Smith

Sunday, October 02, 2011

"I like to keep it somewhere between poignant and pointless." -Scott Smith

Saturday, October 01, 2011

"Blow jobs are like roses for men." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

"If worthless cunts were candy and nuts; my life would be a lot less complicated." -Scott Smith

Sunday, September 25, 2011

"One time, I went to kick this guy in the shin, he moved and I accidentally kicked a midget in the face. I laughed and I laughed, the midget just rolled his eyes and bled 'til he fell over. Sometimes, I lay back and wonder if anyone actually called the ambulance. Good times, good times..." -Scott Smith

Saturday, September 24, 2011

"Germans are so efficient they start October in the last week of September." -Scott Smith

Monday, September 19, 2011

What' s the big deal about GVO?

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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Mosy Bites

I found a great new site full of great stories and news; Mosy Bites. There are all kinds of of inspirational and offbeat anecdotes mixed with a little political commentary here and there. Mosy Bites is a great place to start off or finish up your day, or just pop in when you need a smile. I'll see you there.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

"Quotable" Qulassic

""The clap doesn't sound anything like you think it should. If you are hearing any strange noises from you crotch; Play it safe, go see a doctor." - Scott Smith "

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

"The good thing about birthdays is that; You can show up to work as drunk as you want and, the worse thing your boss can do is fire you." -Scott Smith

Sunday, September 11, 2011

"Never forget: September 11 is only 2 days before my birthday." -Scott Smith

Friday, September 09, 2011

"Not for all the clowns in Clowntown." -Scott Smith

Thursday, September 08, 2011

"It takes a lot of bibles to start a bonfire." -Scott Smith

Saturday, August 27, 2011

"A quick kick to the dick can change any man's behavior." -Scott Smith

Friday, August 26, 2011

"Steve Jobs is still CEO of my heart." -Scott Smith

Thursday, August 25, 2011

"Remember kids: The street drugs are the neat drugs. It's the pills that kill." -Scott Smith

Monday, August 22, 2011

"I went to a pet store, they were out of peeves." -Scott Smith
"*Don't eat the red ones. Unless it's OK to eat the red ones. In that case, knock yourself out. Unless you ate the red ones, those might be what knocks you out." -Scott Smith
"I'm not made of peanut butter!" -Scott Smith

Friday, August 19, 2011

"Friday, is like the weekend's Monday." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

"The best way to get your nose broke is to shove it in somebody else's business." -Scott Smith

Friday, August 12, 2011

"Quotable" Qulassic

""I tried to tell you but NO. You just had to go and stick your dick in that bear trap. Well, enjoy the clap, jackass." - Scott Smith"

Thursday, August 11, 2011

"Raise 'em however you want; this box of grapes is still stale as fuck." -Scott Smith
"It's hard to keep your brow high when your mind is in the gutter." -Scott Smith

Sunday, August 07, 2011

"Well, it would be cooler if you were naked." -Scott Smith
"Sometimes I need a nap right after I wake up." -Scott Smith

Thursday, August 04, 2011

"Hangovers are natures way of telling you to go back to bed." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"Well, if you deep fried the baby, of course I would eat it." -Scott Smith

Monday, July 25, 2011

"They should just start calling Math, 'Meth' instead. That way, the kids will start staying up all night doing it and we'll finally be able to compete with the Asians." -Scott Smith
"If there really is a time and a place for everything, I bet it's really crowded there." -Scott Smith

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Baby carriers

Being a parent is great but, sometimes it take both hands. Carrying the groceries home can be awkward while pushing a stroller or carrying a baby. Deuter Kid Comfort Carriers are the solution for you. Strap your child to your back in one of Deuter's comfortable carriers. Free up your hands while walking with baby, relieve back pain by not crouching over a carriage for hours, make the other parents jealous with your new Deuter Kid Comfort Carrier.

Friday, July 22, 2011

It's always halloween...

Halloween is just around the corner but why wait until then to dress up. Everyday can be Halloween if you have enough costumes. Silly Jokes has everything you need to be whoever you want. They have costumes for all occasions too, Easter, Christmas, New Years, Valentines and more... Don't wait until it's too late. If you need wigs, hats, make-up or even full costumes, Silly Jokes has got you covered.
"The deeper you dig, the bigger the hole gets." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

"Somebody needs to invent a dust greyhound, to chase all of the dust bunnies out from under my couch." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"I wouldn't do it, even if you gave me all crazy people in Florida!" -Scott Smith

Saturday, July 16, 2011

"Don't think of it as being fired. Think of it as being hired on for a new job at Unemployment Inc. The pay is shitty and there's no benefits but, there sure is a lot of downtime and boredom. Oh, and you get to pick your own hours. It don't get much better than that, except when it gets better than that." -Scott Smith
"Who's a person have to fuck to get a danish in this place? I hope she's Danish, them bitches is hot!" -Scott Smith

Friday, July 08, 2011

"Well, I'm pretty popular in Poland!" -Scott Smith

Thursday, July 07, 2011

"You can say any crazy thing you want and, if you say it loud and often enough, people will believe you. That's why we have religion; because people are idiots." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

"The opposite of a brain freeze is hemorrhoids." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

"Like you weren't just wasting your time anyway." -Scott Smith
"A chicken in every pot and a monkey-butler in every closet.., Wave of the future." -Scott Smith

Monday, July 04, 2011

"Nothing says 'success' like dying in the same neighborhood you were conceived in." -Scott Smith

Friday, July 01, 2011

"Polynesian, a race? Not likely. I mean, they live on little islands, there's nowhere to run to." -Scott Smith
"Fun on a bun doesn't taste as good as turkey or ham." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"Wagons were made for fallin' off." -Scott Smith

Saturday, June 25, 2011

"When all else fails; talk about her tits. If that doesn't work, she wasn't going to fuck you anyway." -Scott Smith

Thursday, June 23, 2011

"The best thing about the illiterate is; you can write whatever nasty things you want about them and, they'll never know.., They also smell like boiled cabbage." -Scott Smith
"Advice from strangers is usually strange advice." -Scott Smith
"Adventure can wear you out." -Scott Smith

Saturday, June 18, 2011

"America is fucking boring." -Scott Smith

Thursday, June 09, 2011

"I think my blog just cock-blocked Stanley." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

"Sun, surf, sand, sangria, .., I could probably use some sleep too." -Scott Smith

Saturday, June 04, 2011

"Hey mama Que pasa? Works on all the Mexican women.., in Mexico at least." -Scott Smith
"A Mexican backhoe looks just like a regular backhoe.., in Mexico at least." -Scott Smith

Monday, May 30, 2011

"Happy Mammorial day! It's high time boobs got the respect they deserve.., Wha? 'Memorial' you say? Hmmm.., Well, boobs should still get a day of their own. They are awesome." -Scott Smith

Saturday, May 28, 2011

"When you start to look at breasts as fun-bags instead of feed-bags; you're on your way to becoming a man." -Scott Smith
"Nobody listens to me yet, I am always right." -Scott Smith

Thursday, May 26, 2011

"Gourds are pointless unless you're a caveman." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"Make amends, don't apologize." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"Thin Mints are just overpriced, repackaged Grasshoppers. Those Girl Scouts are fucking rip-off artists. Keebler should sue. " -Scott Smith

Saturday, May 21, 2011

"Bachelor time saving tip #17: To make it easier for your girlfriend to clean up, Rain-X your toilet and the surrounding area." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

"Never underestimate the entertainment value of alcohol.., never!" -Scott Smith
"If you build in a wash; your house is going to wash away." -Scott Smith
"Some days you just have to tell the bitch to 'fuck-off'." -Scott Smith

Sunday, May 15, 2011

"There are few actual gentlemen inside of a gentleman's club." -Scott Smith
"Granola needs to come with a warning on the package or, at least be sold in burlap sacks labeled 'Hippie Chow'. I mean; what am I, a chipmunk?" -Scott Smith
"If a religious nut gets elected president; I hope their religion is Voodoo. I mean, who's going to fuck with a country powered by Voodoo." -Scott Smith

Friday, May 13, 2011

"If you dye your hair red; does that make you transgingered?" -Scott Smith
"Strawberry." -Scott Smith
"I'll have an amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, anethol, anisyl formate, benzyl acetate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, cognac essential oil, diacetyl, dipropyl ketone, ethyl acetate, ethyl amyl ketone, ethyl butyrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl heptylate, ethyl lactate, ethyl methylphenylglycidate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, hydroxyphenyl-2-butanone, a-ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon essential oil, maltol, 4-methylacetophenone, methyl anthranilate, methyl benzoate, methyl cinnamate, methyl heptine carbonate, methyl naphthyl ketone, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neroli essential oil, nerolin, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, phenethyl alcohol, rose, rum ether, g-undecalactone, vanillin, and solvent shake, hold the whipped cream." -Scott Smith

Sunday, May 08, 2011

"Ultra-violence has always worked for me in these situations." -Scott Smith

Saturday, May 07, 2011

"If anyone can fail at failure, it's me." -Scott Smith
"Maybe Rosey Grier didn't kill RFK. Ray Milland could have had control of the body that day." -Scott Smith
"If it's neither here nor there; where the fuck is it then?" -Scott Smith

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Gold is Golden!

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"It's not the pants that you wear, it's the ass that you put them over." -Scott Smith
"Wednesday is named after Odin. That's why it's the tallest day." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

"I dunno. I have kind of this reclusive pseudo-artist™ thing goin' on. If I make too many public appearances, I won't be reclusive anymore and, people will stop taking my pseudo-art™ pseudo-seriously." -Scott Smith

Sunday, May 01, 2011

"If your only proof is faith, you really don't have any proof at all." -Scott Smith

Friday, April 29, 2011

"Maybe if you buy some taller shoes, things might quit going over your head." -Scott Smith
"William and Kate; another royal wedding that won't end with a king. Well, at least not until William gets hair-plugs I hope. 'His royal baldness' does have a nice ring to it though." -Scott Smith

Thursday, April 28, 2011

"Why are they in the freezer? What a stupid question. Where do you keep your in-laws?" - Scott Smith

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"Split peanut soup? You're an idiot." -Scott Smith
"The frost is lost by noon." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

"Well if that don't just put the nuts in the sack..." -Scott Smith
"I need a synonym for synonymous." -Scott Smith

Sunday, April 24, 2011

"Quotable" Qulassic: Easter edition

"Easter?!?!? I thought it was Passover. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to stick some ham between a couple of slices of Matzo bread and kill 2 birds with one stone. " - Scott Smith

Friday, April 22, 2011

The "Viewable" Scott Smith

"It was only a matter of time. Somebody done went and drew a "quotable". So, without further ado, here's some distracting artwork:


Courtesy of the always handsome Shawn Bird over at Soul Doubt Comics! Go check him out! He draws art and pisses class, sometimes he does both at once. It can get messy." -Scott Smith

Thursday, April 21, 2011

"There was a study in Couples Quarterly Magazine last month; It turns out that every 'perfect' couple in the United States are either both part Dutch, or secretly serial killers. Don't worry though, that magazine might not actually exist." -Scott Smith
"Mexican cupcakes?" -Scott Smith

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Don't die before you check with me. I need to make sure I can pencil in the memorial." -Scott Smith
"Rosey Grier killed RFK! There, I said it." -Scott Smith
"You have to wait in a long line to get a free hot dog." -Scott Smith

Saturday, April 16, 2011

"Quotable" Qulassic

"Well, if I'm not handsome, that would make my mother a liar." - Scott Smith

Friday, April 15, 2011

"Another sucky, suck-filled day." -Scott Smith
"Who made the rule that you can't drink before noon. That guy was a dick." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"Hot dogs are tastier than cool cats." -Scott Smith
"Sharing is caring and; both of those actions are overrated." -Scott Smith
"If you can't draw a picture with your imagination; what are you doing here?" -Scott Smith
"After years of failing at everything, I've decided to quit trying. I will, of course, fail at that as well. Never say I'm not consistent." -Scott Smith

Saturday, April 09, 2011

"If you 'get it', you're cool. If not, you can fuck off." -Scott Smith

Friday, April 08, 2011

AboutYorkieLove.com

Spring is here. You know what that means; Time for a new wardrobe.., for your dog?
That's right! At AboutYorkieLove.com they've got the apparel and clothing to help you coordinate your furriest accessory. You look good, why shouldn't your pet?
AboutYorkieLove.com also has a wide selection of pet care needs. From pet crates to cat strollers, food dishes to doggie bikinis, they've got you and your pet, covered.
"Fuck you Snow, it's not cute anymore!" -Scott Smith

Thursday, April 07, 2011

"When I was a boy; bottles were glass, bags were paper and condoms were latex. How did we ever survive?" -Scott Smith
"That was fun, now we're done." -Scott Smith

Saturday, April 02, 2011

"It says, 'best by' not, 'worse after'. Just shut up and eat your Beefaroni." -Scott Smith
"Keep going. When the road ends, turn." -Scott Smith

Monday, March 28, 2011

"I put my entendres on one leg at a time, just like the rest of you." -Scott Smith

Thursday, March 24, 2011

"Well then, maybe waffles should just stay out of politics." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

"Everyday seems to get shorter yet, more boring somehow." -Scott Smith

Monday, March 21, 2011

"Indian food is way better than Native American food." -Scott Smith
"Trying to swallow the Moon is a good way to hurt your jaw." -Scott Smith
"That'd do as much good as hooking a flux capacitor to a donkey." -Scott Smith

Thursday, March 17, 2011

"Even Mexico has a ginger problem." -Scott Smith

Monday, March 14, 2011

"I'm pretty sure most bagel places are money laundering fronts. I mean, who wants a bagel when they can have an English muffin?" -Scot Smith

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Video marketing

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Saturday, March 12, 2011

"Bubbles still count as clothes if you can't see a nipple." -Scott Smith

Friday, March 11, 2011

"I've got champagne dreams and a six pack of High Life." -Scott Smith
"I was going to tell you a joke about Alzheimer's but, I forgot it." -Scott Smith
"Minimalism is at it's best when used sparingly." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

"Sometimes you have to arm-wrestle Satan, to keep the biscuits from the Devil." -Scott Smith
"Sometimes my penis gets so uppity I have to choke it until it throws up." -Scott Smith
"You're never damned when you doughnut." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

"It doesn't matter where you go, as long as you get there." -Scott Smith
"Hell is where the hate is." -Scott Smith

Monday, March 07, 2011

Web 2.0 expo

If you want to learn the future of Social Network Marketing, Come to San Francisco March 28-31 and see Dennis Yu at the Web2.0 Expo:
http://www.web2expo.com/webexsf2011/public/schedule/speaker/72741
If you didn't already know; Dennis Yu is a VP of Facebook Strategy of Webtrends. His team of 40 specialize in Facebook campaigns and, have run over 1,500 campaigns for major brands.
If your brand currently spends over $20,000 a month in paid search, he's even willing to offer you a free audit of your Facebook presence, comparing against 3 competitors of your choice. Hit him up at for more info: dennis.yu@webtrends.com.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

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Saturday, March 05, 2011

"You know that you can get this on a T-shirt, right?" -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic

This "Quotable" originally aired on The "Quotable" Scott Smith, 6/24/2009:

"English muffins are the new bagels." - Scott Smith

Friday, March 04, 2011

"It's hard to stay focused when you're not looking at anything." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

"There's nothing to get, that's it." -Scott Smith

Sunday, February 27, 2011

"I haven't pointed at my crotch that much in years" -Scott Smith
"If they had an Oscar for 'Minimalistest comic on the web', I'd totally be nominated. Too bad the Academy Awards are old fashioned." -Scott Smith

Friday, February 25, 2011

"You never see robots with mullets." -Scott Smith
"Do you have to wear a polo shirt to play polo?" -Scott Smith

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Polo?

Trying to look sharp? If I were you, I would buy 2 of these:

Lyle and Scott Polo Shirt

One for you, one for me. Worldwide delivery available so, no matter where you live, you can have one shipped to my house... At least get one for yourself.
The only way these Polos could look any better would be, if they started calling themselves; "Lyle and Scott Smith".., someday, someday.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

"That was now, this is then. Quit being so linear about shit." -Scott Smith
"The more I think about it; the less I care." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

"Can vampires eat Italian food?" -Scott Smith
"Sometimes people give you money to do things and, you do them. Some call it prostitution, I call it commerce." -Scott Smith

Monday, February 14, 2011

Gamers Paradise

Gamers Paradise:

Some dungeon master’s whimsical sequel

another adventurer with a wicked smile for hire

grill another innkeeper for rumors in the area

amass ancient treasure from dark gnome lair

and disable the monstrous red dragon while at it

another Friday night get together at gamers paradise

-Poem by Justin Germino

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Sunday, February 13, 2011

"You shouldn't wear your heart on the same sleeve that you wipe your nose with." -Scott Smith

Friday, February 11, 2011

"I fell in love once. Well, I hope it was love. Whatever it was, it was awful sticky." -Scott Smith

Thursday, February 10, 2011

"I'll only do it until I can't do it anymore." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

"Yes, Mexican is a flavor." -Scott Smith

Monday, February 07, 2011

"An Eskimo once told me; The best way to kill a dolphin, is to club it over the head with the cutest baby seal you can find." -Scott Smith

Saturday, February 05, 2011

"Whatever Mr. Perfect. Like you never woke up with your dick super-glued to your leg." -Scott Smith
"You can't overdose on sobriety.., or pot." -Scott Smith
"Why do I even bother getting out of bed anymore? Oh yeah, I had to pee." -Scott Smith

Sunday, January 30, 2011

"Friends are people who know your greatest fears, weaknesses, hopes and dreams. Also,they're willing to use that information against you." -Scott Smith
"You know what they say, 'When in Rome, try the pasta.'" -Scott Smith
"Teen idols need to be euthanized when they turn 20. Not just for me, for the world." -Scott Smith
"You're only as strong as the drinks that you mix." -Scott Smith

Thursday, January 27, 2011

"Cats don't wear pajamas." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

"Doing whatever you want all of the time gets monotonous." -Scott Smith

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

"Today is Tuesday. That means, that next Tuesday is also on a Tuesday." -Scott Smith

Monday, January 17, 2011

"Original ideas are becoming a rarity." -Scott Smith

Sunday, January 09, 2011

"If harsh language offends you, you can just fuck the fuck off." -Scott Smith
"My parents raised me with a conscience instead of a religion." -Scott Smith

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

"Being profound is harder than it looks." -Scott Smith

Sunday, January 02, 2011

"I'm not gonna lie; South Carolina makes North Carolina look like an idiot.., Did I say 'an idiot'? I meant to say, 'way less inbred'. Sorry for the confusion." -Scott Smith

Pass it on...