"What part of 'conceptual' do you unimaginative people not understand?" - Scott Smith

"New fuck beer, too getting bored, drunk still more drinking." - Scott Smith

"Whattaya mean I can't urinate here? I'm doin' it ain't I? You think that badge makes you Captain of the Pee Patrol or something? At least let me zip up before you put me in your squad car." - Scott Smith

"Kill the plaid." - Scott Smith

"If you don't put your tongue on it, you'll never know if the power is on." - Scott Smith

"It's an Asian market. If they have a dried one, they'll have a baby dried one." - Scott Smith

"No, I did not pee in the hamper, somebody put the dirty clothes in the toilet." - Scott Smith

"Don't give a shit!" - Scott Smith

"Nothin' chases the blues away like nailin' a waitress." - Scott Smith