"Here's your update bitches!" - Scott Smith

"I think this blog could use a Republican response." - Scott Smith

"Next stop: Bonerburg, USA. Population: You." - Scott Smith

"Man, monkeys got it made. Just sittin' around eating peanuts and flinging poo all day. Now that's the life." - Scott Smith

"It's about time this shit went international!!!" - Scott Smith

"If you get some pubes caught while zipping up, don't zip back down. Keep zipping up, they're gonna get pulled out either way. You might as well have you pants done up while you're crying about it." - Scott Smith

"It's not who you know as much as who you're willing to screw over." - Scott Smith

"Not right now, I've got to go conquer the globe first." - Scott Smith

" If I'm the only person you know that uses the word, "curses", it's because you don't hang out with enough supervillians. Not because I'm weird." - Scott Smith

"What in the fuck is that? Whatever it is, it looks like Ed Asner." - Scott Smith

"If it were that awesome, I would have pissed on it by now. That's just how I roll." - Scott Smith

"If you need a religion, you should join a new cult. It's like getting in on the ground floor of salvation." - Scott Smith

"Blarg!" - Scott Smith

"Maybe next time you won't try to catch it, Jackass. Well, you know, if it hadn't crushed you to death this time." - Scott Smith

"You put a monkey on a street corner with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other and, you've got yourself a gold mine. You put me there and, you've got a public intox ticket. Fuckin' double standards." - Scott Smith

"I was trying to find myself and, I wound up getting lost. Go figure." - Scott Smith

"Don't worry about me, save the hooch!" - Scott Smith

"That's a hot dog you jackass, a frank at best. A wiener is made of veal." - Scott Smith