"A quick kick to the dick can change any man's behavior." -Scott Smith

"Steve Jobs is still CEO of my heart." -Scott Smith

"Remember kids: The street drugs are the neat drugs. It's the pills that kill." -Scott Smith

"I went to a pet store, they were out of peeves." -Scott Smith

"*Don't eat the red ones. Unless it's OK to eat the red ones. In that case, knock yourself out. Unless you ate the red ones, those might be what knocks you out." -Scott Smith

"I'm not made of peanut butter!" -Scott Smith

"Friday, is like the weekend's Monday." -Scott Smith

"The best way to get your nose broke is to shove it in somebody else's business." -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic

""I tried to tell you but NO. You just had to go and stick your dick in that bear trap. Well, enjoy the clap, jackass." - Scott Smith"

"Raise 'em however you want; this box of grapes is still stale as fuck." -Scott Smith

"It's hard to keep your brow high when your mind is in the gutter." -Scott Smith

"Well, it would be cooler if you were naked." -Scott Smith

"Sometimes I need a nap right after I wake up." -Scott Smith

"Hangovers are natures way of telling you to go back to bed." -Scott Smith