"Santorum is great for getting a Newt out of your Mitt." -Scott Smith

"If you see a red carpet, it means that you're too close to a ginger. Pull your pants up and run, while you still have a soul." -Scott Smith

"Why is there no Oscar for Best Rack?" -Scott Smith

"Looking before you leap ruins all of the spontaneity in life. It's best to just charge headlong in to every endeavor and not worry about the consequences. The less forethought exercised, the better." -Scott Smith

"Beware my Veto Torpedo!" -Scott Smith

"It's like a radio program that you read." -Scott Smith

"Ketchup should only be used on slow foods." -Scott Smith

"If you have to point it out, how important can it be?" -Scott Smith

"Fuck you Franco! Get an original idea!" -Scott Smith

"That's like cherries and almonds good!" -Scott Smith

"Home schooled kids always have perfect attendance." -Scott Smith