"Sun, surf, sand, sangria, .., I could probably use some sleep too." -Scott Smith

"Hey mama Que pasa? Works on all the Mexican women.., in Mexico at least." -Scott Smith

"A Mexican backhoe looks just like a regular backhoe.., in Mexico at least." -Scott Smith

"Happy Mammorial day! It's high time boobs got the respect they deserve.., Wha? 'Memorial' you say? Hmmm.., Well, boobs should still get a day of their own. They are awesome." -Scott Smith

"When you start to look at breasts as fun-bags instead of feed-bags; you're on your way to becoming a man." -Scott Smith

"Nobody listens to me yet, I am always right." -Scott Smith

"Gourds are pointless unless you're a caveman." -Scott Smith

"Make amends, don't apologize." -Scott Smith

"Thin Mints are just overpriced, repackaged Grasshoppers. Those Girl Scouts are fucking rip-off artists. Keebler should sue. " -Scott Smith

"Bachelor time saving tip #17: To make it easier for your girlfriend to clean up, Rain-X your toilet and the surrounding area." -Scott Smith

"Never underestimate the entertainment value of alcohol.., never!" -Scott Smith

"If you build in a wash; your house is going to wash away." -Scott Smith

"Some days you just have to tell the bitch to 'fuck-off'." -Scott Smith

"There are few actual gentlemen inside of a gentleman's club." -Scott Smith

"Granola needs to come with a warning on the package or, at least be sold in burlap sacks labeled 'Hippie Chow'. I mean; what am I, a chipmunk?" -Scott Smith

"If a religious nut gets elected president; I hope their religion is Voodoo. I mean, who's going to fuck with a country powered by Voodoo." -Scott Smith

"If you dye your hair red; does that make you transgingered?" -Scott Smith

"Strawberry." -Scott Smith

"I'll have an amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, anethol, anisyl formate, benzyl acetate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, cognac essential oil, diacetyl, dipropyl ketone, ethyl acetate, ethyl amyl ketone, ethyl butyrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl heptylate, ethyl lactate, ethyl methylphenylglycidate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, hydroxyphenyl-2-butanone, a-ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon essential oil, maltol, 4-methylacetophenone, methyl anthranilate, methyl benzoate, methyl cinnamate, methyl heptine carbonate, methyl naphthyl ketone, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neroli essential oil, nerolin, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, phenethyl alcohol, rose, rum ether, g-undecalactone, vanillin, and solvent shake, hold the whipped cream." -Scott Smith

"Ultra-violence has always worked for me in these situations." -Scott Smith

"If anyone can fail at failure, it's me." -Scott Smith

"Maybe Rosey Grier didn't kill RFK. Ray Milland could have had control of the body that day." -Scott Smith

"If it's neither here nor there; where the fuck is it then?" -Scott Smith

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"It's not the pants that you wear, it's the ass that you put them over." -Scott Smith

"Wednesday is named after Odin. That's why it's the tallest day." -Scott Smith

"I dunno. I have kind of this reclusive pseudo-artist™ thing goin' on. If I make too many public appearances, I won't be reclusive anymore and, people will stop taking my pseudo-art™ pseudo-seriously." -Scott Smith

"If your only proof is faith, you really don't have any proof at all." -Scott Smith

"Maybe if you buy some taller shoes, things might quit going over your head." -Scott Smith

"William and Kate; another royal wedding that won't end with a king. Well, at least not until William gets hair-plugs I hope. 'His royal baldness' does have a nice ring to it though." -Scott Smith

"Why are they in the freezer? What a stupid question. Where do you keep your in-laws?" - Scott Smith

"Split peanut soup? You're an idiot." -Scott Smith

"The frost is lost by noon." -Scott Smith

"Well if that don't just put the nuts in the sack..." -Scott Smith

"I need a synonym for synonymous." -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic: Easter edition

"Easter?!?!? I thought it was Passover. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to stick some ham between a couple of slices of Matzo bread and kill 2 birds with one stone. " - Scott Smith

The "Viewable" Scott Smith

"It was only a matter of time. Somebody done went and drew a "quotable". So, without further ado, here's some distracting artwork:

Courtesy of the always handsome Shawn Bird over at Soul Doubt Comics! Go check him out! He draws art and pisses class, sometimes he does both at once. It can get messy." -Scott Smith

"There was a study in Couples Quarterly Magazine last month; It turns out that every 'perfect' couple in the United States are either both part Dutch, or secretly serial killers. Don't worry though, that magazine might not actually exist." -Scott Smith

"Mexican cupcakes?" -Scott Smith

"Don't die before you check with me. I need to make sure I can pencil in the memorial." -Scott Smith

"Rosey Grier killed RFK! There, I said it." -Scott Smith

"You have to wait in a long line to get a free hot dog." -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic

"Well, if I'm not handsome, that would make my mother a liar." - Scott Smith

"Another sucky, suck-filled day." -Scott Smith

"Who made the rule that you can't drink before noon. That guy was a dick." -Scott Smith

"Hot dogs are tastier than cool cats." -Scott Smith

"Sharing is caring and; both of those actions are overrated." -Scott Smith

"If you can't draw a picture with your imagination; what are you doing here?" -Scott Smith

"After years of failing at everything, I've decided to quit trying. I will, of course, fail at that as well. Never say I'm not consistent." -Scott Smith

"If you 'get it', you're cool. If not, you can fuck off." -Scott Smith

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"Fuck you Snow, it's not cute anymore!" -Scott Smith

"When I was a boy; bottles were glass, bags were paper and condoms were latex. How did we ever survive?" -Scott Smith

"That was fun, now we're done." -Scott Smith

"It says, 'best by' not, 'worse after'. Just shut up and eat your Beefaroni." -Scott Smith

"Keep going. When the road ends, turn." -Scott Smith

"I put my entendres on one leg at a time, just like the rest of you." -Scott Smith

"Well then, maybe waffles should just stay out of politics." -Scott Smith

"Everyday seems to get shorter yet, more boring somehow." -Scott Smith

"Indian food is way better than Native American food." -Scott Smith

"Trying to swallow the Moon is a good way to hurt your jaw." -Scott Smith

"That'd do as much good as hooking a flux capacitor to a donkey." -Scott Smith

"Even Mexico has a ginger problem." -Scott Smith

"I'm pretty sure most bagel places are money laundering fronts. I mean, who wants a bagel when they can have an English muffin?" -Scot Smith

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"Bubbles still count as clothes if you can't see a nipple." -Scott Smith

"I've got champagne dreams and a six pack of High Life." -Scott Smith

"I was going to tell you a joke about Alzheimer's but, I forgot it." -Scott Smith

"Minimalism is at it's best when used sparingly." -Scott Smith

"Sometimes you have to arm-wrestle Satan, to keep the biscuits from the Devil." -Scott Smith

"Sometimes my penis gets so uppity I have to choke it until it throws up." -Scott Smith

"You're never damned when you doughnut." -Scott Smith

"It doesn't matter where you go, as long as you get there." -Scott Smith

"Hell is where the hate is." -Scott Smith

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"You know that you can get this on a T-shirt, right?" -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic

This "Quotable" originally aired on The "Quotable" Scott Smith, 6/24/2009:

"English muffins are the new bagels." - Scott Smith

"It's hard to stay focused when you're not looking at anything." -Scott Smith

"There's nothing to get, that's it." -Scott Smith

"I haven't pointed at my crotch that much in years" -Scott Smith

"If they had an Oscar for 'Minimalistest comic on the web', I'd totally be nominated. Too bad the Academy Awards are old fashioned." -Scott Smith

"You never see robots with mullets." -Scott Smith

"Do you have to wear a polo shirt to play polo?" -Scott Smith

Polo?

Trying to look sharp? If I were you, I would buy 2 of these:

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The only way these Polos could look any better would be, if they started calling themselves; "Lyle and Scott Smith".., someday, someday.

"That was now, this is then. Quit being so linear about shit." -Scott Smith

"The more I think about it; the less I care." -Scott Smith

"Can vampires eat Italian food?" -Scott Smith

"Sometimes people give you money to do things and, you do them. Some call it prostitution, I call it commerce." -Scott Smith

Gamers Paradise

Gamers Paradise:

Some dungeon master’s whimsical sequel

another adventurer with a wicked smile for hire

grill another innkeeper for rumors in the area

amass ancient treasure from dark gnome lair

and disable the monstrous red dragon while at it

another Friday night get together at gamers paradise

-Poem by Justin Germino

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"You shouldn't wear your heart on the same sleeve that you wipe your nose with." -Scott Smith

"I fell in love once. Well, I hope it was love. Whatever it was, it was awful sticky." -Scott Smith

"I'll only do it until I can't do it anymore." -Scott Smith

"Yes, Mexican is a flavor." -Scott Smith

"An Eskimo once told me; The best way to kill a dolphin, is to club it over the head with the cutest baby seal you can find." -Scott Smith

"Whatever Mr. Perfect. Like you never woke up with your dick super-glued to your leg." -Scott Smith

"You can't overdose on sobriety.., or pot." -Scott Smith

"Why do I even bother getting out of bed anymore? Oh yeah, I had to pee." -Scott Smith

"Friends are people who know your greatest fears, weaknesses, hopes and dreams. Also,they're willing to use that information against you." -Scott Smith

"You know what they say, 'When in Rome, try the pasta.'" -Scott Smith