"Shameful self-promotion isn't as effective as the shameless kind." -Scott Smith

"When you're at your next woman's club meeting, tell the ladies that if they want guys to be pickier about the women we sleep with, hot women need to start losing their panties easier." -Scott Smith

"If you're tired of being called a 'quitter', just stop participating in things." -Scott Smith

"Women are like buses; If you don't pay attention, they'll run right over you." -Scott Smith

"If you didn't ask, that doesn't mean you can afford it." -Scott Smith

"I don't have a high opinion about myself, I just have a very low opinion about everybody else." -Scott Smith

"I like my women how I like my chairs.., easy." -Scott Smith

"I made up a new word, 'Xoox'. It's pronounced just like it's spelled and means exactly what you think it does.., pervert." -Scott Smith

"Don't eat peppers if you can't handle pooping them out." -Scott Smith

"Making out in black&white is so much cooler than in color." -Scott Smith

"Falling in love is great until you hit the ground." -Scott Smith

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"Don't use margarine when you have butter." -Scott Smith

Get your glow on!

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"Don't lick a gift porn with your mouth." -Scott Smith

"Remember when you could call dames 'broads' and there was nothin' the bitches could do about it? Those were the days." -Scott Smith

"I bet bakers fuck up every recipe that calls for 12 of anything." -Scott Smith

"The lime won't fit in the coconut. Maybe I should juice it first." -Scott Smith

"It's not a waste of money when you're giving it to me." -Scott Smith

"Tonight's forecast calls for you fucking off, with a 30% of eating shit." -Scott Smith

"Turns out that werewolf I saw last night was just your mom with her shirt off." -Scott Smith

"Vampires? More like Whaaa-mpires!" -Scott Smith

"Well, what if I eat the zombies' brains first? Then they won't have a chance to eat mine. Didn't think of that now, did you?" -Scott Smith

"No, no, no, no.., We need you to tear some sheets in to strips AND boil some water. Don't put the sheet strips in the boiling water, that's just ridiculous. Ain't you never birthed no baby?" -Scott Smith

"The tacos are great.., if you like horse meat." -Scott Smith

"Just because you can; doesn't mean you should stick your dick in it. You should stick it in there because you like it." -Scott Smith

"My P, your V. Lose the pants."- Scott Smith

"Rome wasn't built in a day but, I'm pretty sure most of the building went on during the day. So, fuck you." -Scott Smith

"Pooping behind the dumpster is fun until you get shit on your shoe." -Scott Smith

"He's been a 'get out of here' since we got here." -Scott Smith

"I like to keep it somewhere between poignant and pointless." -Scott Smith

"Blow jobs are like roses for men." -Scott Smith

"If worthless cunts were candy and nuts; my life would be a lot less complicated." -Scott Smith

"One time, I went to kick this guy in the shin, he moved and I accidentally kicked a midget in the face. I laughed and I laughed, the midget just rolled his eyes and bled 'til he fell over. Sometimes, I lay back and wonder if anyone actually called the ambulance. Good times, good times..." -Scott Smith

"Germans are so efficient they start October in the last week of September." -Scott Smith

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Mosy Bites

I found a great new site full of great stories and news; Mosy Bites. There are all kinds of of inspirational and offbeat anecdotes mixed with a little political commentary here and there. Mosy Bites is a great place to start off or finish up your day, or just pop in when you need a smile. I'll see you there.

"Quotable" Qulassic

""The clap doesn't sound anything like you think it should. If you are hearing any strange noises from you crotch; Play it safe, go see a doctor." - Scott Smith "

"The good thing about birthdays is that; You can show up to work as drunk as you want and, the worse thing your boss can do is fire you." -Scott Smith

"Never forget: September 11 is only 2 days before my birthday." -Scott Smith

"Not for all the clowns in Clowntown." -Scott Smith

"It takes a lot of bibles to start a bonfire." -Scott Smith

"A quick kick to the dick can change any man's behavior." -Scott Smith

"Steve Jobs is still CEO of my heart." -Scott Smith

"Remember kids: The street drugs are the neat drugs. It's the pills that kill." -Scott Smith

"I went to a pet store, they were out of peeves." -Scott Smith

"*Don't eat the red ones. Unless it's OK to eat the red ones. In that case, knock yourself out. Unless you ate the red ones, those might be what knocks you out." -Scott Smith

"I'm not made of peanut butter!" -Scott Smith

"Friday, is like the weekend's Monday." -Scott Smith

"The best way to get your nose broke is to shove it in somebody else's business." -Scott Smith

"Quotable" Qulassic

""I tried to tell you but NO. You just had to go and stick your dick in that bear trap. Well, enjoy the clap, jackass." - Scott Smith"

"Raise 'em however you want; this box of grapes is still stale as fuck." -Scott Smith

"It's hard to keep your brow high when your mind is in the gutter." -Scott Smith

"Well, it would be cooler if you were naked." -Scott Smith

"Sometimes I need a nap right after I wake up." -Scott Smith

"Hangovers are natures way of telling you to go back to bed." -Scott Smith

"Well, if you deep fried the baby, of course I would eat it." -Scott Smith

"They should just start calling Math, 'Meth' instead. That way, the kids will start staying up all night doing it and we'll finally be able to compete with the Asians." -Scott Smith

"If there really is a time and a place for everything, I bet it's really crowded there." -Scott Smith

Baby carriers

Being a parent is great but, sometimes it take both hands. Carrying the groceries home can be awkward while pushing a stroller or carrying a baby. Deuter Kid Comfort Carriers are the solution for you. Strap your child to your back in one of Deuter's comfortable carriers. Free up your hands while walking with baby, relieve back pain by not crouching over a carriage for hours, make the other parents jealous with your new Deuter Kid Comfort Carrier.

It's always halloween...

Halloween is just around the corner but why wait until then to dress up. Everyday can be Halloween if you have enough costumes. Silly Jokes has everything you need to be whoever you want. They have costumes for all occasions too, Easter, Christmas, New Years, Valentines and more... Don't wait until it's too late. If you need wigs, hats, make-up or even full costumes, Silly Jokes has got you covered.

"The deeper you dig, the bigger the hole gets." -Scott Smith

"Somebody needs to invent a dust greyhound, to chase all of the dust bunnies out from under my couch." -Scott Smith

"I wouldn't do it, even if you gave me all crazy people in Florida!" -Scott Smith

"Don't think of it as being fired. Think of it as being hired on for a new job at Unemployment Inc. The pay is shitty and there's no benefits but, there sure is a lot of downtime and boredom. Oh, and you get to pick your own hours. It don't get much better than that, except when it gets better than that." -Scott Smith

"Who's a person have to fuck to get a danish in this place? I hope she's Danish, them bitches is hot!" -Scott Smith

"Well, I'm pretty popular in Poland!" -Scott Smith

"You can say any crazy thing you want and, if you say it loud and often enough, people will believe you. That's why we have religion; because people are idiots." -Scott Smith

"The opposite of a brain freeze is hemorrhoids." -Scott Smith

"Like you weren't just wasting your time anyway." -Scott Smith

"A chicken in every pot and a monkey-butler in every closet.., Wave of the future." -Scott Smith

"Nothing says 'success' like dying in the same neighborhood you were conceived in." -Scott Smith

"Polynesian, a race? Not likely. I mean, they live on little islands, there's nowhere to run to." -Scott Smith

"Fun on a bun doesn't taste as good as turkey or ham." -Scott Smith

"Wagons were made for fallin' off." -Scott Smith

"When all else fails; talk about her tits. If that doesn't work, she wasn't going to fuck you anyway." -Scott Smith

"The best thing about the illiterate is; you can write whatever nasty things you want about them and, they'll never know.., They also smell like boiled cabbage." -Scott Smith

"Advice from strangers is usually strange advice." -Scott Smith

"Adventure can wear you out." -Scott Smith

"America is fucking boring." -Scott Smith

"I think my blog just cock-blocked Stanley." -Scott Smith

"Sun, surf, sand, sangria, .., I could probably use some sleep too." -Scott Smith

"Hey mama Que pasa? Works on all the Mexican women.., in Mexico at least." -Scott Smith

"A Mexican backhoe looks just like a regular backhoe.., in Mexico at least." -Scott Smith

"Happy Mammorial day! It's high time boobs got the respect they deserve.., Wha? 'Memorial' you say? Hmmm.., Well, boobs should still get a day of their own. They are awesome." -Scott Smith

"When you start to look at breasts as fun-bags instead of feed-bags; you're on your way to becoming a man." -Scott Smith

"Nobody listens to me yet, I am always right." -Scott Smith

"Gourds are pointless unless you're a caveman." -Scott Smith

"Make amends, don't apologize." -Scott Smith

"Thin Mints are just overpriced, repackaged Grasshoppers. Those Girl Scouts are fucking rip-off artists. Keebler should sue. " -Scott Smith

"Bachelor time saving tip #17: To make it easier for your girlfriend to clean up, Rain-X your toilet and the surrounding area." -Scott Smith

"Never underestimate the entertainment value of alcohol.., never!" -Scott Smith

"If you build in a wash; your house is going to wash away." -Scott Smith

"Some days you just have to tell the bitch to 'fuck-off'." -Scott Smith

"There are few actual gentlemen inside of a gentleman's club." -Scott Smith

"Granola needs to come with a warning on the package or, at least be sold in burlap sacks labeled 'Hippie Chow'. I mean; what am I, a chipmunk?" -Scott Smith

"If a religious nut gets elected president; I hope their religion is Voodoo. I mean, who's going to fuck with a country powered by Voodoo." -Scott Smith

"If you dye your hair red; does that make you transgingered?" -Scott Smith

"Strawberry." -Scott Smith

"I'll have an amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, anethol, anisyl formate, benzyl acetate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, cognac essential oil, diacetyl, dipropyl ketone, ethyl acetate, ethyl amyl ketone, ethyl butyrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl heptylate, ethyl lactate, ethyl methylphenylglycidate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, hydroxyphenyl-2-butanone, a-ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon essential oil, maltol, 4-methylacetophenone, methyl anthranilate, methyl benzoate, methyl cinnamate, methyl heptine carbonate, methyl naphthyl ketone, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neroli essential oil, nerolin, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, phenethyl alcohol, rose, rum ether, g-undecalactone, vanillin, and solvent shake, hold the whipped cream." -Scott Smith