"I like my women how I like my chairs.., easy." -Scott Smith

"I made up a new word, 'Xoox'. It's pronounced just like it's spelled and means exactly what you think it does.., pervert." -Scott Smith

"Don't eat peppers if you can't handle pooping them out." -Scott Smith

"Making out in black&white is so much cooler than in color." -Scott Smith

"Falling in love is great until you hit the ground." -Scott Smith

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"Don't use margarine when you have butter." -Scott Smith

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"Don't lick a gift porn with your mouth." -Scott Smith

"Remember when you could call dames 'broads' and there was nothin' the bitches could do about it? Those were the days." -Scott Smith

"I bet bakers fuck up every recipe that calls for 12 of anything." -Scott Smith

"The lime won't fit in the coconut. Maybe I should juice it first." -Scott Smith

"It's not a waste of money when you're giving it to me." -Scott Smith

"Tonight's forecast calls for you fucking off, with a 30% of eating shit." -Scott Smith

"Turns out that werewolf I saw last night was just your mom with her shirt off." -Scott Smith

"Vampires? More like Whaaa-mpires!" -Scott Smith

"Well, what if I eat the zombies' brains first? Then they won't have a chance to eat mine. Didn't think of that now, did you?" -Scott Smith

"No, no, no, no.., We need you to tear some sheets in to strips AND boil some water. Don't put the sheet strips in the boiling water, that's just ridiculous. Ain't you never birthed no baby?" -Scott Smith

"The tacos are great.., if you like horse meat." -Scott Smith

"Just because you can; doesn't mean you should stick your dick in it. You should stick it in there because you like it." -Scott Smith